Daily Bread #83

Progress is walking without a cane.  I am now averaging 10,000 + steps per day and walking up and down hills.  These steps are part of a shortcut down and back to the marina.  I can now go up them, but down is harder.  It has been 2 months since my surgery, and they say the pain improves significantly after 3.  I am glad to have electric power again so I can ice my knee after a long walk.

I have been walking through the pain.  It is a metaphorical journey in a way, a lyrical song of what it means to be alive.  Not all of us can walk without pain just as some of us cannot walk at all.  None of us lives without pain.  Life is full of grief and loss, disappointment, frustration, and despair.  We battle fears and addictions, searching for the courage and confidence to soldier on.  The war analogies are apt.  We are all refugees seeking safe harbor, a place of more joy and, most of all, more hope.

This journey I have been on is no different than many others.  The path, although marked, is not always clear.  What keeps me moving along is that thing with feathers, a small flutter of hope waiting to take wing.  When I pastored a parish, or served as a hospital chaplain, what I found people seemed to need the most, when they were overwhelmed by events in their lives, was simply to have someone with them, a calm presence that listened, that recognized and acknowledged their pain.  They did not need advice or platitudes; they just wanted to know that they were not alone.  They needed someone to hold the hope for them, to keep it safe, while they grappled with despair.

If you are a believer, God can help serve this need, but judgement is not part of the Holy I know, so don’t worry about that.  There is a Spirit holding us, and holding all that we are and all that we love.  It keeps that ember of hope warm, even when the power goes out, even when we feel like giving up and even in the midst of hopelessness and helplessness.

And sometimes you have to give yourself a break; you really need to take a break.  Last weekend I think I overdid the walking w/12,000 steps on Saturday and 11,000 on Sunday.  My knee was swollen and throbbing from that effort.  More ice, and a couple of days off from long walks was in order.  For myself, I can be as disciplined as I need to be only if I allow myself small breaks when I need them.  Some days I can’t really exercise.  Some days I really want a small dessert, so I have a cookie.  It is the long term attention that works, best held with an open hand. Too much rigidity can be a set up for a serious shattering of my intentions.

On another note, I always learn something at church and not only during worship.  Last Sunday at coffee hour, someone told me, humorously, that “I was not half the woman I used to be.” That is not quite true yet, but if I lose another 10 pounds or so, I will be at exactly half my starting weight.  Weird to think about that.  I am so much less and so much more than I was then.  Life really is a mystery.

L’Chaim!  This week’s stats: My Fitbit report shows 71319 steps last week for 30 miles.  I ate approximately 9814 calories and burned 15096 for a deficit of 5282. My average weight this week is down 2 pounds from last week’s average for a total loss of 151.