Tag Archive | Gratitude

Finding Gratitude @UUP 11-20-16

Thanksgiving is a time for gratitude, and I have found that over time the thing about life that I am most grateful for is laughter.  Laughter keeps us going I think.  It can call attention to some of the absurdities of life in a way that helps us cope when reality doesn’t live up to our expectations. And how often does that happen?  Even the Thanksgiving meal doesn’t always turn out perfectly.  Sometimes the pies are burnt, and sometimes the conversations around the table can be hurtful.  I know some of us may be facing awkward family situations over the holidays.  If that is true for you, please know that we are holding you and feel free to call a friend or your minister for emotional support, debriefing, or just to rant a bit.  Holidays can be hard.  There is always some sadness among the fun.  We miss people that have died, loneliness can be worse if we don’t have a family with which to share holidays.  So, all of you, if you have space at your table, invite someone who might be alone.  And if you are alone, and don’t want to be, call someone and offer to bake some pies.  If they are slightly burnt, who cares? Sometimes we have to work to create joy in our lives.  Put a stone in the pot, keep the faith, and we can find ways to be fed together.

We are taught to count our blessings, to cultivate gratitude.  This is a good thing in many ways, and it is part of the task of religious community to remind us to celebrate, to savor the good times, to appreciate beauty, to rest easy, and to simply let the love that surrounds us enter into our hearts and our souls.   When we are truly aware of all the gifts we have received, we can be filled with a sense of abundance, a sense of generosity.

For myself, there are many things that I feel grateful for, things that are gifts in the sense that they are not things that I necessarily earned or was owed somehow.

I am grateful that I am alive.

I am grateful for my wife Anne, who for more than 41 years has stood by me, comforting me when I have been sick or sad and always calling me back to honest self-awareness when I am in danger of losing that important connection.

I am grateful for our three adult children and all they have taught me about life and about patience and letting go.

I am grateful for my education, for the opportunity to engage ideas.

I am grateful for the chance to have led a productive life when I worked for Social Security, for helping those that needed help.

I am grateful for the work of ministry, work that seems so close sometimes to the very meaning of life, and may be the exact reason that I am on this planet at all.

I am grateful for all of you. To look out on your faces this morning is a blessing indeed.

The list could go on.  I am thankful for the flowers and trees, the sunsets, the mountains and rivers, friends, good food to eat, small kittens to hold, and for lessons I have learned.  It is important to be grateful for the truly wonderful things and people in our lives, those that remind us how precious life is, those that inspire awe, that call us to reverence, and to humility.  These are blessings in every sense of the word and it is easy to be thankful for them.

But things, and people, don’t have to be perfect for us to feel gratitude for them.  And sometimes the less than ideal is even better.  Sometimes folks have a better time laughing at a partially raw turkey on Thanksgiving Day than they would in a tense atmosphere at a gourmet meal. It is much better, I think, to have small children around than not, even if they sometimes spill things.  Adults spill too and the tablecloth should always be much less important than the guests.

To really cultivate gratitude means to look for the positives in those less than perfect situations.  It doesn’t mean we shouldn’t try to make things nice.  The undercooked turkey usually only happens once in the lifetime of all but the most disastrous cooks.  We should be grateful that we are able to learn from our mistakes.  I only carved into a raw turkey once.

Gratitude can also help us accept the things we cannot change.  It matters how we look at things, and I am talking about more than the old glass empty/ glass full dichotomy.  It also isn’t about blind optimism or simply looking for a silver lining to a dark and dangerous cloud.  I am not sure that the recent election results have much of a silver lining at all.

When we accept reality, however, both the good parts and the bad, we may also grow more grateful, and so appreciate the good things more.

Ill health will come to us all with time, especially if we are lucky enough to live until old age.  I love the following poem by May Sarton.  She calls it

Friend or Enemy

I can look

At my body

As an old friend

Who needs my help,

Or an enemy

Who frustrates me

In every way

With its frailty

And inability to cope.

Old friend,

I shall try

To be of comfort to you

To the end.

May Sarton

Sarton’s words are so full of love!  She is not particularly grateful for the frailty of her aging body, but she loves it, treasures it in fact as a friend.

To cultivate gratitude also does not mean we have to be grateful for everything.

There are many things I am not grateful for.  The list is a long one.  I am sure you all have your own lists.

Having gratitude does not mean you have to be happy with the way things are. Many of us are outraged at the growth of racism and white supremacy.

Perhaps, though, we can be grateful for the outrage because outrage can provide energy for action, for change.  Outrage, by its very nature contains a seed of hope.  It is the passive acceptance of evil, of injustice, that is soul killing.

Gratitude is a religious issue.  It has to do with reverence and with what we value.

Sometimes appreciating the good things of the world, really valuing them, can lead us to make things better.

The Reverend Doctor Rebecca Parker says that,


“Our society is currently guided by a worldview that is insufficiently grounded in reverence.  Religiously, it is a worldview that regards the world itself as trash—a planet that God is soon going to discard in a plan to wipe this world away and create a new one.  Economically, the dominant worldview regards human beings as self-interested individuals, motivated only by their personal desire to consume. 



And scientifically, it sees existence as devoid of value, atomistic, disconnected, and mechanistic.  Such inadequate views are tearing our world to tatters by lack of regard for the communal character of life.”

“We must learn again to live with reverence.” She says, “Reverence is a form of love. It is a response to life that falls on its knees before the rising sun and bows down before the mountains. It puts its palms together in the presence of the night sky and the myriad galaxies and recognizes, as poet Langston Hughes tells us, “beautiful are the stars, beautiful too are the faces of my people.” Reverence greets all humanity as sacred. It genuflects before the splendor of the grass and the magnificence of the trees. It respects the complexity, beauty, and magnitude of creation and does not presume to undo its intricate miracles. Instead, it gives life reverent attention, seeking to know, understand, and cooperate with life’s ways.”

Parker is right.  We as a culture have to learn more reverence for life in all of its diverse glory.  Learn to be grateful for our lives, for the health of this planet, for our relationships with others.  If we learn to recognize these as the blessings they are, to treasure them, then we will work to care for them, to protect them. 

Our Unitarian Universalist faith should inspire us to use both our hearts and our minds.  To discern the good that is inherent in almost all of life, to treasure life and the world, to refuse to fall victim to the idea that what is not ideal is somehow trash.  To cultivate beauty and wholeness, to recognize that our lives are our own and that it is up to us to spend them in ways that reflect appreciation of the miracle, the chance that we have been given to make a difference.

I will end another poem, by Rebecca Parker, particularly fitting in these times.

Benevolent Rage

Your gifts—whatever you discover them to be—
can be used to bless or curse the world.

The mind’s power,
The strength of the hands,
The reaches of the heart,
The gift of speaking, listening, imagining, seeing, waiting

Any of these can serve to feed the hungry,
Bind up wounds,
Welcome the stranger,
Praise what is sacred,
Do the work of justice
Or offer love.

Any of these can draw down the prison door,
Hoard bread,
Abandon the poor,
Obscure what is holy,
Comply with injustice
Or withhold love.

You must answer this question:
What will you do with your gifts?

Choose to bless the world.
The choice to bless the world can take you into solitude
To search for the sources of power and grace;
Native wisdom, healing, and liberation.

More, the choice will draw you into community,
The endeavor shared,
The heritage passed on,
The companionship of struggle,
The importance of keeping faith,

The life of ritual and praise,
The comfort of human friendship,
The company of earth
The chorus of life welcoming you.

None of us alone can save the world.
Together—that is another possibility waiting.

The choice to bless the world is more than act of will,
A moving forward into the world
With the intention to do good.

It is an act of recognition,
A confession of surprise,
A grateful acknowledgment
That in the midst of a broken world
Unspeakable beauty, grace and mystery abide.

There is an embrace of kindness,
That encompasses all life,
Even yours.

And while there is injustice, anesthetization, or evil
There moves a holy disturbance,
A benevolent rage,
A revolutionary love
Protesting, urging insisting

That which is sacred will not be defiled.

Those who bless the world live their life
As a gesture of thanks
For this beauty
And this rage.

Amen and blessed BE

Working on Sundays and Holidays

Maybe it is because I am a minister, but I understand working on both Sundays and holidays.  Somebody has to do it.  I work most Sundays, of course, so Saturday nights are never a good time to party.  I have worked Christmas Eve,  Christmas Day, and on Easter.  My family does suffer some from it, especially as my wife’s birthday is December 24th.  It is OK.  It is part of the job, one I consider a calling.

Lots of people work Sundays and holidays because the rest of us really need them there, on duty.  Hospital and nursing home staff, the police and fire folks, utility repair workers, prison guards, soldiers, and a host of others need to cover because their jobs are critical to the health and safety of others.

Others work Sunday’s and holidays in restaurants, movie theaters, and gas stations.  While not critical in the same sense, they are important services to offer.  Eating out or seeing a movie on a holiday can ease the sadness that sometimes comes when your family is far away and you can’t be with them.  Not everyone has the same holiday, of course.  Going to the movies on Christmas Day is a popular tradition for many of my Jewish friends.  Speaking of which, Sunday is not a day of worship for many people.  Jews, Muslims,and non-believers should be able to get groceries on Sundays.  Buying a bottle of wine of a Sunday should also be possible even though we cant do that here in Utah.

The retail stores being open on Thanksgiving Day does seem to be a problem to me, however.  The largely low paid workers may be glad for the money (think Walmart), but wouldn’t it be better if they could have a paid holiday off instead?  Employer’s could call it a Thanksgiving Bonus and include some extra cash.   Much better than a Christmas bonus anyway, as it could appeal to non-Christians and secularists as well.  Of course some of the native peoples of this continent don’t tend to feel quite the same way about Thanksgiving.  The day after all is a celebration of the survival of the European invaders.   Illegal immigrants they were and much worse than the undocumented folks of today who are mainly just looking for jobs. The pilgrims stole land that did not belong to them.  And no, the Dutch really did not buy Manhattan for  $24.  Maybe we should give it back as a way for expressing gratitude for those turkeys back in the day.

Time to quit blogging for now.  Tomorrow, Sunday, is a work day for me and I have some more preparation to do.  Monday will be my sabbath. I wish you a good one too, even if you have to work.



335 Days of Ingratitude

As Thanksgiving Day approaches here in the states, it seems everyone is preaching about gratitude. I have done it myself.  Many of my Facebook friends post daily about something they are grateful for.  30 days of gratitude I think it is called.  It is a good thing, and I don’t want to disparage it.  If we have a practice of counting our blessings, we tend to be much happier people.  A positive outlook on life  is better for your mental, spiritual, and even your physical health.  Optimists live longer than pessimists.  Hope is better than despair.  I believe all of that, I really do.

We had a wind storm here in Utah yesterday.  I posted something on Facebook last night about being ready for the wind to stop.  The wind was howling and it was scary; garbage cans were blowing down the street.  The storm didn’t do a lot of damage, just a few trees and fences came down.  Shingles blew off a few roofs.  Our backyard gate was damaged slightly.

One of my friends responded to my post by saying that they felt grateful that it wasn’t a tornado or a typhoon.  People in the Philippines and in the midwest are still suffering from the aftermath of terrible storms.  My friend had a good point.  It is almost always true that someone else has it worse.  Your roof might be leaking, but you aren’t sleeping in a vacant lot in the rain or snow.  Someone you love may have died, but others have lost not only all of their families, but all of their neighbors as well.  So don’t complain, just be grateful that things aren’t worse.

No.  Just no.  We get to complain.  I even think it is important to do so.  Yes, sometimes it is about relatively trivial things, but sometimes the complaints are hugely significant and just might motivate us to do something about  them.  Apathy, resignation, despair are all much worse than being ungrateful.  So I am making a new list of things I am NOT grateful for.  Feel free to add to it.

1. War

2. Poverty

3. Self-righteousness

4. Pollution

5. Greed

6. Hatred

Those are the biggies, but I will also add:

7. Cl0thing that falls apart after being washed once

8. Food that is full of dangerous chemicals

9. Parents who let their kids play in the street

10. Tailgating

11.  Movies with gratuitous violence

12. Sexism, racism, homophobia (these belong up top)

13. That George Zimmerman wasn’t convicted

14. That we have some really stupid laws

15.  That too many politicians sell their votes

16. That we have to fix the gate

You get the idea.  What would you add?  Better yet, what are you going to do about it?

Time Change/Gratitude or Entitlement

We changed the clocks again last week, going back to “standard” time.  I find any time change disruptive to my sleep patterns, sort of like the effects of jet lag, but it is hard not to feel a bit grateful for that “extra” hour each fall.   The more I think about it, however, I am not getting an extra hour, I am instead getting back the hour that was taken away the previous spring.  I am “entitled” to it.

As a minister, I know that cultivating an attitude of gratitude is a healthy emotional and spiritual practice.  We are happier people when we take the time to appreciate the good things in our lives.  Counting our blessings really is better most of the time than complaining about what we don’t have.  It can give us hope and it diminishes the despair we might otherwise feel.  When someone has died, I usually say something at their memorial service about being grateful for their life.  We can be grateful for things we no longer have.

Some people, in our current excessively contentious political environment, like to complain about “entitlements.”  They call Social Security an “entitlement” even though it is a social insurance system that people have paid into.  It is kind of like that hour I put out in storage last spring in order to get back in the fall.

What are we entitled to?  Is it life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness as it says in the Declaration of Independence? It is hard to stay alive if you are sick and don’t have health care.  It is hard to pursue happiness if you cannot marry the one you love or you fear being fired or evicted simply because who you are or who you love.

Positive change happens, I think, partly because people begin to feel entitled.  They feel worthy and deserving of freedom and justice.  Black teenagers know they deserve to walk the streets without fearing for their lives.  Immigrants know they have worked hard and been productive, so why aren’t they entitled to become citizens and stop living in fear of deportation?  Gay people have started feeling good about themselves and are no longer content with living in a closet.  We are all entitled to justice.

It is time to set the clocks forward to a future where we will all have life, liberty, and the freedom to pursue our own happiness.  I promise to be very grateful when that happens.