Daily Bread #61

I have begun the task of getting rid of clothes that no longer fit because they are too big.  This is so much more fun than the times I have gotten rid of things that were too small.  It is a daunting task, but one I need to do.  Those large clothes take up so much space!  Packing for a trip is also easier now as I can get a lot more outfits in a suitcase.  A “Large” is so much smaller than a 3x.  This is a non-scale victory for sure!

We had 10 people in group last night, with the facilitator asking us what we thought a pipe dream was.  My first thought was that it is a drug induced fantasy.  When I googled it, I found out the term came from the 19th century and opium dreams, so my 1960’s sensibilities held me in good stead once again, getting a definition just right. One man had an interesting definition, involving looking through a long pipe, kind of like a spyglass, so that you could visualize a goal without seeing all the distractions that surround you.  I love the creativity that can surface in our group in images like that.  We then talked about things we thought we could never do, things that we believed were impossible.  People talked about dance classes, pilgrimages in Spain, 5k walk/runs, and European walking tours.  Some of those things we are actually doing now, and others are in reach.

One woman said she never thought she could succeed in the program, and was discouraged now because she was gaining the lost weight back.  I wish she would have been asked what might help her get back on track.  I did catch her afterward and chatted some.  This journey is a hard and emotional one.  It is so easy to step off the trail, sit down to rest for just a minute, only to find yourself in free fall down the mountain’s side.   If one of your friends throws down a rope to you, maybe you can grab it and haul yourself up again.  I carry a lot of ropes in my backpack.

Depression, discouragement, and grief are really common.  Food, overeating, has been such a source of comfort for so many of us, it is hard to give that comfort up.  There is also grief and loss involved with losing weight. With every change, even positive ones, something is also lost and it is important, I think,  to grieve that loss.  New parents can be thrilled at having a child, but they might also need to grieve the loss of the freedom from responsibility they once enjoyed.

Some depression on this journey is normal as we grieve the lifestyle and self we have left.  If we stick with the program, we know that we won’t be able, ever again, to eat whatever we want, whenever we want. We will need to stay mindful of what our bodies actually need, not just what might taste or feel good in the moment. This will be a huge change for the rest of our lives.  I have grieved the loss of the “fat and happy me.” I am almost done with that now, I think, as I have fallen in love with the new, energetic, healthier me. And yes, I have occasional food “treats” after a year in the program, but I plan for them, count the calories, and don’t overdo anything. So I am not the old me anymore, and I am cleaning out my closets.

One last note.  This morning I got this reading on the scale.

I think I am ready for the challenge of a road trip!  We leave on Sunday for who knows how many weeks.  I will try and blog when I can.  It might be hard to continue my current weight loss pattern of 1-2 pounds per week with restaurant meals, but I am determined at the very least to not gain anything back during my time away.  I am packing my scale so I can make sure of that!

L’Chaim!

(My stats for the last week – down  1.5 pounds, drank at least 7 gallons of water and exercised for over 870 minutes.  My cumulative weight loss so far is more than 119.6 pounds.)