Weekly Bread #239

It’s easy to get confused sometimes about our own relative importance. I mean we ARE the center of our individual lives – at least if we are not excessively codependent on someone else. And what we do matters, for ourselves and other people, both near and far. Like in wave theory, the ripples from our actions – or lack of actions- can impact distant shores in ways we can barely imagine. The ripples get smaller and lose their strength, but sometimes other waves get started and the beat goes on.

Still, our lives are mere pebbles cast into that infinite sea of possibility. The boulder behind and above me in the photo broke off from the mountains above it. The boulder is no longer rolling and will eventually become dust, but in the meantime, the trail has to detour around it and everything in the forest has been changed forever.

I am a lot smaller than I used to be. It is more than lost weight, I am also less “weighty”, less concerned which the impact I can have, and a bit more attentive to the process of living. Some of it is being retired and not having the platform of a pulpit, but some of it may be partly some of the wisdom that hopefully comes with age. I have never been a massive boulder although sometimes I felt like I was “making like a mountain” or “being a tree who shall not be moved,” but resistance to the racist patriarchal empire can take many forms. My revolutions – and revelations – have been modest in whatever grand scheme there is, but they have been enough for me. A difference was made, some things got better as a result so I am content which what I have managed to achieve so far. Not that I am done. No worries on that score anytime soon I hope. But I am focusing more on smaller actions rather than worrying about huge outcomes. The ripples will have to take care of themselves after they leave the small inlet I swim in now.

L’Chaim!

Average weight this week was up .2 pounds for a total loss of 144.