Tag Archive | National Coming Out Day

Happy and Gay #comingoutday

In honor of National Coming Out Day I am posting a sermon I wrote in 2013

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Opening words – a poem by Kathleen Bonnano:

You can try to strangle light:
use your hands and think
you’ve found the throat of it,
but you haven’t.
You could use a rope or a garrote
or a telephone cord,
but the light, amorphous, implacable,
will make a fool of you in the end.

You could make it your mission
to shut it out forever,
to crouch in the dark,
the blinds pulled tight—

still, in the morning,
a gleaming little ray will betray you, poking
its optimistic finger
through a corner of the blind,
and then more light,
clever, nervy, impossible,
spilling out from the crevices
warming the shade.

This is the stubborn sun,
choosing to rise,
like it did yesterday,
like it will tomorrow.
You have nothing to do with it.
The sun makes its own history;
light has its way.Happy and Gay

Sermon notes:

“You can be anybody you want to be, you can love anyone that you will. You can dream all the day never reaching the end of everything possible for you.  The only measure of your words and your deeds will be the love you leave behind when you’re done”

I cried the first time I heard that song – and the second time.  OK, I cried today too.

Tears can be from pain, but they can also be tears of joy.  My tears are happy tears.

I am so glad that I am gay!  Don’t you wish you were? You don’t have to answer than just yet.  Maybe later you can answer that question, but not yet.

It is pride weekend, and while I know a lot of you identify with the slogan, “straight but not narrow,” this morning I want to lift up how wonderful it is to be in a relationship with someone of the same gender.

As much as I appreciate the reasoning behind the argument that being gay is not a choice, it also bothers me.  It leads to quickly to the idea that no one would choose this life, that what gay people need is tolerance and pity, after all, we were born this way, and we just can’t help it.

I don’t pretend to understand the science behind the argument, and I also know that many gay people have tried really hard to become heterosexual and have failed both miserably and painfully.

It may not be a choice, at least for everyone.

But I want to say clearly and proudly today, that if it is a choice, it is one I am both happy and proud to have made.  It is GOOD to be gay.  Yeah, there is a lot of discrimination; it would be great if the larger society were more accepting.  It is getting better, but even when it was really terrible, even when it was illegal everywhere in the world, it was still worth it.

It may surprise some of you because I am so young at heart, but I am in my 60’s – early 60’s, very early 60’s.  I was 15 in 1965 when I fell in love with my best friend we will call Kathy. We were in Rainbow Girls together if you can believe it.  Anyone know about the Rainbow Girls?  It is an organization for young women affiliated with the Masons and Eastern Star.  Job’s Daughters is another one; the boys were in DeMolay.  We would dress up in floor length formals, and conduct very serious rituals.  In 1965, the rainbow was not yet a symbol of Gay Pride – that did not happen until 1978.  I like to think the creators of it got the idea from me. Not true, but I like to think that, because I was, and still am, a Rainbow Girl. I just don’t wear floor length formals anymore.  Floor length clerical robes, yes, fancy formal dresses, no.

As young girls often do, Kathy and I shared our hopes, our fears, our troubles, and our souls.  One night we hugged each other and neither one of us wanted to let go.  We knew something was happening while we held each other, but it took us awhile to figure it out.

In 1965, in a small town, we didn’t know any other gay people, any other lesbians.  There weren’t any on TV and it wasn’t mentioned in the newspaper.

We did know that if you “wore green on Thursdays it meant you were queer.”  That was the playground taunt when I was growing up.  But what is one to do if March 17th falls on a Thursday?  If you didn’t wear green on St Patrick’s Day, you would get pinched.  Get pinched or be queer?  Any sensible person would choose queer.

Seriously, we knew enough to know that what we were doing was not something that others thought was OK.  But we knew it was wonderful; we were, after all, in love.  I wrote in my journal the following question: “How can anything so wrong be so right?”

We were good for each other and we were glad that we were both girls.  If one of us had been a boy, our parents would never have let us spent the night together.  We had a whole lot of sleepovers in the year and a half that we were together.

After Kathy and I broke up, she was a year older and we began to have different friends and interests, I dated a few boys.  I even lived with a man for three years while I was in college.  That was OK.  I like men, but to be honest, for an intimate relationship, for a life partner, for me, women are just better.  I decided to come out and to identify as a lesbian.  It was a decision, a choice to lead a more fulfilling life.  Because of that choice, I was lucky enough in 1975 to fall in love with my dear Anne.  It has been good, not perfect, no one’s life is perfect, but Anne and I have had a very good life together.  We have had children, children that always knew they were wanted.  Lesbians don’t tend to get pregnant by accident.   Having children was a choice, a choice I would definitely make again.

If being gay is a choice, it is also one I would make again.

Frankly, being gay is so great that heterosexuals really should be jealous of us.  You have all heard the line, “Men are from Mars and women are from Venus.”  If you are part of a same gender couple, at least you live of the same planet!

Seriously, there are so many gender related cultural attitudes and approaches to life that it is just easier to understand and get along with someone of the same gender.  There is also the fact that we are still a male dominated society, and with same gender relationships, the external power differential, including earning capacity, tends to be less.

If you live with someone of the same gender, you also don’t have to argue about whether or not to put the toilet seat down.

If you are close to the same size, you can even share clothes without anyone else noticing.  We did that some before I gained so much weight, but then again I have always like purple more than Anne does.

No two people are exactly the same, but the standard gender roles require a lot more negotiation in heterosexual relationships.  Our oldest son, when he was about 12, made the comment that he liked having two moms partly because it gave him the freedom to be who he was.  He could like cooking, he could like doing yard work, and could just be whoever he was. He wasn’t locked into a stereotypical gender role just because he was a boy.  He’s a heterosexual and he is going to make some woman a wonderful husband one of these days.

 

Studies show that children raised by same gender parents turn out pretty much like other kids do with the small, but not insignificant difference, that as adolescents and as adults they are more accepting of all kinds of differences. We need more people like that in the world.

When our kids were small the other mothers we met would often comment as they saw us both changing diapers and dealing with the kids that they would love it if their kids had an extra mom to help with all the mothering duties.  Not that men can’t do those things, and not that there aren’t some dad’s, both straight and gay, who are awesome at all the nurturing tasks, but for at least most of those women, their husbands were just “helpers” and the childrearing duty was not fully shared.  They said they were jealous and I think they really were.

There are also all the straight women friends who, when their relationships with men just didn’t seem to work out, have told us that they wished they were lesbians because it just seems a whole lot easier.  They were jealous of what Anne and I have together.

Jealousy can be a good thing.  It is much better than tolerance, and it is certainly better than disgust.

The point of this sermon is not, however, a recruiting effort.  Yes, I think it is great to be gay; it makes me happy.  But even if straight people have it harder in some ways, they can be happy too, and the real message is that we all need to find the good that is in each of us, in each of our lives.  There are advantages and disadvantages to almost everything.

A lot of things have and will break our hearts.  There is so much that we would change if we could, about the world and about our own lives.  There is loss, and there is grief, discrimination, and oppression. There are tragedies of all kinds in life. Most of us would like more of something in our lives.  More time, more money, better health, better weather, more peace, or more excitement, there is always something that we think will make our lives better.  I’d love it if we had marriage equality throughout the world.  I would love it if all churches were as accepting of diversity as this one is.  We can work for the changes we would like to see.  But in the meantime, let us count our blessings.  Let us be happy with who we are and what we are doing.

Each of you has positives in your life.  Recognize them and celebrate them.  Celebrate who you are, a complex human being with a complex life.  Know that there is a river than runs in each of our souls; we are all somebody.  Don’t get stuck in the negative messages.  No one is less than anyone else.  We all have inherent worth and dignity.  Relish it, enjoy it, be who you are. The song Beth sang addresses a young child,

“You can be anybody you want to be, you can love anyone that you will. You can dream all the day never reaching the end of everything possible for you.”

But the message of the song isn’t only for children, although I wish all children could hear it.  We all can continue to dream. Our dreams need have no ending; no limits imposed by others who would tell us that they know better than us what our lives should be like.

We have only to remember that “the only measure of our words and your deeds will be the love we leave behind when you’re done.”

Stand on the side of love.  Choose to stand on the side of love.  It is the only thing that really matters.  Amen and halleluyah!

Noah’s Boat

To watch a video of the sermon click (here)

Noah’s Boat

Opening words: World’s End

Reading:

Genesis

Then God said to Noah and to his sons with him, “As for me, I am establishing my covenant with you and your descendants after you, 10 and with every living creature that is with you, the birds, the domestic animals, and every animal of the earth with you, as many as came out of the ark.[d] 11 I establish my covenant with you, that never again shall all flesh be cut off by the waters of a flood, and never again shall there be a flood to destroy the earth.” 12 God said, “This is the sign of the covenant that I make between me and you and every living creature that is with you, for all future generations:13 I have set my bow in the clouds, and it shall be a sign of the covenant between me and the earth.14 When I bring clouds over the earth and the bow is seen in the clouds, 15 I will remember my covenant that is between me and you and every living creature of all flesh; and the waters shall never again become a flood to destroy all flesh. 

Music:  Somewhere over the Rainbow by Masters of None

Sermon notes:

Ah rainbows!  We really love rainbows here.  This week we celebrated National Coming Out Day, so it is quite appropriate to sing the song we just heard from the choir.  Did you know that back in the bad old days, when almost everyone was in the closet, asking someone if they were a “friend of Dorothy” was a safe way to find out if they were gay?  Sometimes it takes a wizard.

Today we are going to talk about Noah and his ark, and what meaning that ancient story might hold for us today. The topic is one I chose in response to a comment made on facebook from someone who has been attending this church a fair amount. He said that the first time I told the story of Noah and the flood as if it were actual fact would be the last time he came to this church.  So in case you are worried, and you know who you are, the plan today is NOT to drive you away.

The Noah story is an interesting one, but our earlier reading is not the most interesting part even if it is the most popular.  The interesting parts you have likely never heard in a more traditional church.  They are frankly more than a little awkward.

In Genesis 6 it says,

When people began to multiply on the face of the ground, and daughters were born to them, the sons of God saw that they were fair; and they took wives for themselves of all that they chose.

Then the Lord said, “My spirit shall not abide[a] in mortals forever, for they are flesh; their days shall be one hundred twenty years.” The Nephilim were on the earth in those days—and also afterward—when the sons of God went in to the daughters of humans, who bore children to them. These were the heroes that were of old, warriors of renown.

Say what?  The “sons of God” had children with human women!  I thought there was only one Son of God?  This is where we need to understand that the concept of God changes in the Bible.  In the oldest sections, there were many Gods and the other religions in the region had a great deal of influence on the ideas and stories of the wandering tribe that eventually developed the Jewish faith tradition.  Another example is from the Ten Commandments the one about having no other gods before me. Monotheism, the belief there is only one God is a fairly new invention in terms of human history.

There really is a lot of history in the Bible.  It just isn’t literal, and you have to read between the lines if you want to understand it even a little bit.

The story goes on to say:

The Lord saw that the wickedness of humankind was great in the earth, and that every inclination of the thoughts of their hearts was only evil continually. And the Lord was sorry that he had made humankind on the earth, and it grieved him to his heart.

So the Lord said, “I will blot out from the earth the human beings I have created—people together with animals and creeping things and birds of the air, for I am sorry that I have made them.” God’s creation was evil, and the children of his Sons evil too.  So much for the idea of a perfect deity, here he is apologizing for his mistakes.  The next line is one I don’t like very much:

But Noah found favor in the sight of the Lord.”  I don’t like it because it implies that God likes some people more than others, which is something that makes absolutely no sense to me.

Noah is also a very questionable choice for an example of virtue in my opinion.  I’ll get to that in a minute.

In the story, Noah builds his boat and follows God’s instructions, which were very specific as to how big it should be and what kind of wood to use. He gathers his sons and their wives and every creature on earth. He tells Noah to have seven pairs of clean animals and only one pair of unclean ones. Funny, the toy ark I had as a child only had two of each animal and there were only about six different animals.  At least they all fit in the ark, something that would clearly be impossible if we wanted to believe this story as actual fact.

Later in Genesis, it doesn’t mention the seven pairs of clean animals.  This is more evidence of what almost all real Biblical scholars believe to be true.  The Hebrew Scriptures are a collection of ancient writings, many of which have conflicting information.

The different sources were put together in a way that seemed to make the most sense to the compilers but it is why there are two different versions of the creation story for another example.  The same is true in the New Testament with the four gospels having very different narratives of the life of Jesus, including those about his birth and resurrection. They cannot all be factually true at the same time.  Some followers of modern Christianity have attempted to blend them all of them together.  It is a tough job.  I am so glad not to be a Biblical literalist!

I could go on, there are a lot of metaphors in the story of Noah, the forty days of rain just meant it rained for a long time.  Quite often, the number 40 is used in Bible stories to mean a long time, whether it is the 40 years wandering in the desert as Moses did, or the 40 days in the wilderness in the case of Jesus.  Similarly, there were of course floods in ancient times just as there are today.  “It covered the whole world” is perhaps how a really big flood would likely be described.

I could go on line by line but I need to mention one more part of the story of Noah.  Remember that God liked Noah, and said that he alone was righteous. After the flood, he told him to be fruitful and multiply.

But if you think Noah was so good, then how do we explain the following passage that follows the sweet story about the rainbow in the heavens.

20 Noah, a man of the soil, was the first to plant a vineyard.

21 He drank some of the wine and became drunk, and he lay uncovered in his tent. 22 And Ham, the father of Canaan, saw the nakedness of his father, and told his two brothers outside.

23 Then Shem and Japheth took a garment, laid it on both their shoulders, and walked backward and covered the nakedness of their father; their faces were turned away, and they did not see their father’s nakedness. 24 When Noah awoke from his wine and knew what his youngest son had done to him, 25 he said, “Cursed be Canaan; lowest of slaves shall he be to his brothers.”26 He also said,“Blessed by the Lord my God be Shem;
and let Canaan be his slave.

Please correct me if I am wrong, but the way this story reads to me is that Noah got very drunk.  He got so drunk that he took off all his clothes.  Who knows what else he was doing in that tent of his.  Then his son Ham goes into the tent, sees his drunk, naked father, and tells his brothers.  Because of this his son Canaan is cursed and so are his children.  Is that righteousness?  Is that justice?  Hardly, all Ham did was see his drunken father.  His son Canaan did not do anything at all. Does this mean the Bible is telling us we should ignore the failings of the powerful, that we should turn our backs so we don’t see their vulnerabilities and shame?

Who knows what it is in fact saying?  It is likely another metaphor.  Ham’s son is named Canaan and Canaan was another nation in those times.  Perhaps that story was meant as an explanation of why the Canaanites were considered bad people.

It is a weird story though, and it doesn’t make Noah look fair or just or righteous.  What was God thinking to save only him and his family?

But what can the story of Noah mean for us today, if anything?  One, we need to understand some of the traditional interpretations because so many people believe them.  Some of the deniers of human caused climate change say they aren’t worried because God promised Noah that floods would never destroy the world again.

Somehow that doesn’t reassure me and it probably doesn’t reassure all the people in Colorado who lost their homes to the horrible flooding there last month.

But more important than knowing that some people take these stories literally and act as if they really happened, is taking to heart the underlying message of the story.

We need to look around and see what is happening in the world and to our planet.  We need to prepare for the floods, both literal and figurative, that are coming.  We need to see the signs that tell us we are close to killing the earth that sustains our lives and the lives of all the creatures that live here with us.  We need to build an ark and begin to start saving what we can.  The promise of the rainbow to me is a symbol of hope, a hope that humanity can find the strength and the wisdom to connect with a spirit that can save us from whatever disasters we have created for ourselves. Humans are not inherently wicked and our hearts are full of so much more than just evil.

We aren’t completely righteous either.  We too, like Noah, can tend to blame others for our own mistakes.  We ignore the signs of coming floods and other disasters because it is often easier to turn our backs and pretend not to see.

Look to the rainbows, friends.  We will find our way to dry land.  Amen and blessed Be.

Closing Hymn “Blue Boat Home” Click (here) to see a you-tube version