Daily Bread #77


The pain is insane and this “iceman” is my friend.  It keeps cold water circulating and lasts 4 or more hours.  Ice helps, as do the meds, but pain really is a constant part of my life now.  It isn’t unbearable, but it is hard, particularly right after I do my physical therapy exercises.  “What is the difference between a terrorist and a physical therapist? ” ————————————————————You can negotiate with a terrorist.

Seriously, I like the therapist who has been coming to the house once a week.  I can now bend my knee to a 95 degree angle.  It was 85 last week, so progress, better than average he said. I still like numbers and retain a competitive spirit.  It keeps me going.

The pain was pretty intense a few days ago and I wrote this poem. It made me feel better, as poetry often does.


White cotton candy spun

Ice cold across skin

Purple with pain swollen

With hope for relief

How long will this last?

Dinosaurs could tell us

The beached whales struggle

In the sand washed by tears

An ocean’s gift a sea of grief

Spins the ice numbing into stillness

A fissure opens ragged as

A nightmare vision

Bruised bodies heal

And will move

Once again

We pray

I wonder if in previous years, before the opiate crises, there would be less pain to endure.  I understand the need to restrict the narcotics, but for a couple of weeks right after surgery, it would have been much easier if my pain could have been better managed.  I really don’t think I am at a particularly high risk of becoming addicted.  There were some points last week when I would have happily accepted anything that would have reduced the pain, so maybe that is part of the problem.  If doctors are afraid to prescribe sufficient medications, some people will likely turn to street drugs instead.  There has to be a better answer.

I got the staples out of my incision today, which is progress and means I can take actual showers again, but it was super painful too.   It is hard to focus on anything else when you hurt.

Yeah, I am whining, and whimpering too.


My weight is creeping up slightly, about 4 pounds since my surgery, but I am not stressing about it.  I find that having a few yummy meals cheers me up when I am dealing with so much.  I am not going wild or crazy, but did enjoy the burrito for dinner last night and the take out Chinese food we had earlier in the week.  Body and soul are one, and an extra peach after lunch isn’t a bad thing if makes me feel a bit better.  I also believe it will be fairly easy to lose whatever small amount of weight I gain, once I can start serious exercise again.  Some of the gain may also be water weight as my leg is still swollen.  Every day now is a little better than the day before.  Baths and the pool or hot tub will still be a couple of months away for me, but now that the staples are out, a shower sounds absolutely fabulous.  The simple things are sometimes what one misses the most.  Living a constricted life can fill you with gratitude for glimpses of a more expansive future.  I am on the mend.  Maybe in a few more weeks, I won’t be whining quite as much. No promises.

On a positive note, maybe we can finally get rid of the tyrant, although the impeachment process is likely to be more difficult than a knee replacement.  You have to do it though, if you are going to have the freedom and the ability to go where you want to go and do what you need to do.

L’Chaim!  This week’s stats: I am drinking about 96 ounces of water most days.  My Fitbit report shows 6925 steps last week for less than 3 miles.  I ate approximately 10,010 calories and burned 11228 for a deficit of only 1218. I am up 1.2 pounds for a total loss of 138.8.

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