Daily Bread (Week 25)
Now that I have fully transitioned back onto real food, I am going to recycle this gross shaker. It is not like I didn’t rinse it after each use and wash it with soap, but the residue from the shakes simply did not come out. When I used the dishwater, the gunk got baked on.
It makes me wonder what the inside of my stomach looks like. Kind of creepy, but the program worked, so I am not complaining. I have lost a significant amount of weight and am primed to continue losing until I reach a weight that works for me and keeps me healthier. The Kaiser recommendation is to continue to use 3 products a day for the rest of my life. I have decided to ignore that. Once I finish my last 3 shakes I am done. The shakes are too gross to me at this point and the bars, while handy in a pinch, don’t seem necessary for every day. Costco also sells protein bars for half the cost of the Optimist products. Eating every 3 hours or so makes sense to keep hunger at bay, but I think I can do that eating somewhat more natural food. (Are low-fat mozzarella cheese sticks real food? They are a handy protein though. Hummus, fruit, all of those type of choices can work just fine.) I certainly don’t want to discourage others who might make different choices about the products, but this is what feels right to me.
This week I have been pondering how my body feels. It is smaller. I have more muscle and less fat. I am stronger. My skin even feels smoother. My ankles are no longer swollen and the lipodermatosclerosis in my legs is way less painful. I can open the solar pool cover all by myself, something that wasn’t possible 2 months ago. I will need to buy some new clothes soon as most of my old ones are way too big. I actually feel thin. I am not thin, however, and anyone else, looking at me, would still see me as fat. But I FEEL thin. When I last worked for the federal government, there was a lot of talk about reinventing it. We also talked about “right-sizing” rather than “down-sizing.” I never understood the differences as we went through round after round of hiring freezes which caused service declines, but the term of “right-sizing” makes some sense in my current situation. I want to get to a size and a weight that feels healthy. If I feel good, I don’t really give a damn what other people think. I am too old and have been through too much in my life to start worrying about other people’s opinions now. We talked about goals this week in class. We got the always important reminder that we are the most important person in our lives and that we need to continuing prioritizing our own well-being if we want to be able to help others. My motivation remains that of improving my health.
I took a class in seminary where we were assigned the task of doing a theological reflection about a core life issue. We got extra points for tying the reflection to a scripture from a religious tradition of our choice. Working on that assignment, I realized that the story of the prophet Jeremiah really spoke to me. He was one of the dudes who kept speaking truth to power, calling the wealthy to help the poor, etc. They kept throwing him down a well, but he never shut up. Speaking the truth is important, even if those in power don’t listen and don’t care. Even in the bottom of a well, you can create ripples that can change things several millennia down the road. The walls of the wells that confine us will eventually crumble. Speak your truth. Never give up. Rock on Jeremiah. Rock on Anita Hill. Rock on Christine Blasey Ford.
(My stats for the last week – down 4.3 pounds, drank over 7 gallons of water and exercised for 330 minutes. My total weight loss so far is 57.6 pounds.)