Daily Bread (Week 6)
We had a substitute facilitator this week – and we will have her for the next 3 weeks before our regular one comes back. It was a little disorienting. The substitute was fine, and is likely awesome, but the group, including me, acted out a bit. We have bonded, and our regular facilitator is part of that bond. She knows us. We know her. It felt a little like it did back (way back!) in high school when we had a substitute teacher. This program, with its rigid rules about the meal replacements, doesn’t encourage much flexibility. Any change is hard when we are trying to make such a big change in our lives.
We also talked about support systems and not so supportive folks, of who to tell we are doing this and who not to tell because they might be judgmental about our choice. I have been extremely public about being in the program. It doesn’t get much more public than posting about it on a blog and then sharing that blog on Facebook. I have received only positive support, which has been very helpful. My family and close friends have been particularly wonderful.
I gave up shame years ago, and believe that sharing this process may be helpful to others. The one concern I have is that the friends that I have bonded with over the years around being fat might feel abandoned by me and might be afraid that I will start judging them. It is hard to live in this world as a “person of size.” We have shared tears, anger, and laughter over our common experiences. They loved all of me and I loved all of them. That won’t change, for me anyway. I know the pain too well to judge anyone for their size. We are all beautiful and worthy of love just the way we are. I would not be doing this if I did not know that my health and my life are at risk. I will do this and I will succeed, but it is a hard choice and not one I would recommend to anyone unless they have similarly powerful motivations.
(My stats for last week – down 4.2 pounds, drank 7 gallons of water and exercised for a total of 370 minutes. My total weight loss so far is 21.5 pounds.)