Daily Bread (Week 4 Day 5)
It is a fragile balance, the likes of which I expressed in the soup. A cortisone shot helped my knee and my potassium is back in the normal range based on a blood test this week. My blood pressure is also now OK I think, based on the only vaguely accurate home tester we have. But now my shoulder aches. I injured it in a fall a couple of years ago, and I suspect the naproxen was easing that pain too. Oh, and I have back pain as well. Yes, I think it is OK to whine a bit. I am looking for a new normal, a better way of being, and of course the transition is difficult. Things get out of balance, and I need to give my body (and my spirit) some time to adjust. I survived a church luncheon this week while staying on program, but have been seriously fantasizing about a slice of Italian salami, a comfort food of mine since childhood. Just one, to hold in my mouth and suck all the flavor out. I don’t even have to swallow it. So far, the fantasy is enough.
There is a difference between a fantasy and a dream. A fantasy can be satisfying even if it stays in the imagination. A dream is something we want to make real. More peace, more justice, fewer murdered children, those are the dreams I want to realize.
There is also a difference between a desire and a want. We’ll reflect on that more later maybe, but my quick thought is the difference is time frame, with desires being short term and immediate, whereas wanting is more longterm.
Don’t look any of those words up. I am making up my own definitions as I go along. No worries if you have a different understanding.