Love and Fairy Tales

What I have learned about love is this:  it doesn’t come easy. It isn’t a happily ever after riding into the sunset with a prince or princess by your side.  Soul mates aren’t magic mirrors reflecting back how you want to see yourself or them.  Reach through the mirror, pay attention to the cracks.  They are how the love – and light gets in.  Leonard Cohen taught me a lot with that line.  You aren’t royalty either, just a frog like other frogs.  Life is the swamp can be lovely though.  It is not necessary to sing every song in tune or dance in time with a perfect rhythm.

Marriage means so much more if you have been engaged for decades.  I know this from experience.  Because engagement is the thing, one of them, that makes a marriage, a partnership, work.  Be real and honest and yourself.  Listen carefully.  Pay attention.  Hold your lover’s hand, but don’t hold them back, and try to catch them when they fall.  You will stumble too.  Stay engaged even after you are married.  I think that might be the key.  If there is one.  If it isn’t all just luck.  In any case be grateful.  If someone really loves you, it is a miracle

It can be awkward, if your family does not approve.  Time can heal that.  Not always, but often enough that it is worth some effort.

It can be hurtful if your church won’t bless your love or even  calls it sinful.  If that is true, then find another church.  God hangs out in a lot of different places and the real God – not someone’s mirror image – just loves love, even more than the color purple, (another book that taught me a lot.)

It can be wonderful if the people where you live support you, if they recognize your family.  If they vote for it or if their legislature approves it, that really rocks.  A judge deciding in your favor is pretty cool too.  Take what you can get, but it is OK to ask for more.  Love, like justice, does not come easy, but with enough grace, with enough effort, it comes.

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